The Forgotten Trait — EMPATHY: PART II

Continued…(To read Part I — Click here)
So I begin with these words again…

“The most important thing in life is to be UNDERSTOOD”
- Sushant Singh Rajput

We all have this constant need to be UNDERSTOOD. Almost every single person in this current decade would have felt this at least once in their lifetime.

It’s evident that the current world is going through a ‘culture burnout’. This is a cyclic process. All our pre-existing stereotypes and principles are questioned and an inversion trying to happen in almost every aspect of our life. So let’s analyze a few aspects that have had its effects.

Now there’s a lot of questioning done, so much of arguments, debates, conflicts, criticism around. This is always a part of a change or a reformation. But what’s alarming and scary is the way people approach it nowadays. There is so much hatred. So much of destructive criticism, questioning everything without even digging deep to find answers just to provocate someone or prove one’s own intelligence? There’s so much of divisions based on ideologies. The left, the right, the oppressed, the red pill, the blue pill, the feminists, the misogynists, racism, border conflicts and the list goes on…Be it cultural or economic…Everyone claiming their own views are right. Blaming each other’s idiocracies. If we can clearly see each sides want to be understood just. Unfortunately, we can’t deny the fact that social media is one big causal factor for this. And there is an inadvertent need to pick sides, have opinions and views for everything.

Coming to relationships & family, it's much worse. Long term relationships are a joke. Commitment is a comedy. Marriages are a mere business. ‘FAMILY’ was one structure that helped in an individual’s morale boost. The structures are questioned as part of the process. No wonder there is a lot of depression and stressed people nowadays. In this current fast-paced use & throw world, there’s no time for mending things. There’s little time to get things repaired or fixed. So the same is extended in relationships as well. No more ‘fixing’ stuff when there is a problem. ‘Letting Go’ and ‘Giving Up’ are highly misconceived. There’s a very meagre effort to understand or even try to. Let’s do some questioning too..but to find some answers.

So why is there this huge failure of understanding and seeking to be understood?

Why people are not understood as they were used to?
The answer is due to lack of EMPATHY.

Let's see more about this forgotten trait and analyze a bit on why empathy is in short supply nowadays.

Among the previous generations, there was a huge fear of society. (The exact period can be debatable ). We could observe that they cared too much about what other people thought. They would often worry about their pride/dignity getting lowered by others. Their actual happiness and self-respect depended mostly on how people saw them. But the fact is they imbibed a self-less, empathetic nature (maybe not actually caring about others but what one would feel like) in themselves which seemed hazardous.

As part of our evolution, the world getting competitive, we figured this was unhealthy and started preferring an independent life, preaching a self-centered approach to living. We found pride by creating an identity for ourselves. A huge sense of individualism started to develop within people. Few by-product thought processes were, ‘Independency’ becoming a measure of strength. ‘Self-love’ becoming a priority. ‘Happiness’ a choice and not based on how others perceive you anymore. But the whole concept of the self-made man doesn’t exactly lend to empathy.

Now that everyone’s priority is just happiness and not really worrying about how they get it. Again as a result of too much worrying in the past, people just don't want to deal with any unrest, struggles, discomfort cause they prefer happiness in every moment of their lives. We can clearly see people nowadays finding it tough to deal with the downhill phases. So they really don't have time for any shit than just ‘HAPPINESS’. What’s wrong isn't that the ultimate goal of life?

So the impact we failed to notice..

Self-obsession.

Zero tolerance to adverse situations.

Low Emotional Quotient.

Rugged Individualism

Absence of compassion.

and DEFICIT OF EMPATHY.

Understanding someone can be a tedious process. Imagine feeling everyone’s pain inside you, it can lead to mental fatigue. Today Trust is down, distrust being up, leading to fracturing of people into little groups for safety and security. When fear increases, so does anxiety, which makes understanding much more difficult. Our ability to communicate with one another also is affected and the result is the inability to relate with each other and to know how others feel. Fear breeds apathy, not only for others but for even knowing how we actually feel and experience our world. No wonder that most of us refuse to face this reality, refuse to let it in. Yet only by allowing ourselves to feel some empathy can we be moved and motivated to act. There’s a lot of pressure on our young people today. Guess it’s really no wonder why someone wouldn’t be as empathetic because they’re more concerned about themselves and surviving rather than living.

Why Empathy is the key?

Empathy has the greatest power to resolve conflicts. I’m not arguing that we should spend our lives dwelling on the pain of others. But I do think that it’s important to cultivate empathy, to try and open ourselves up to feel what others are feeling. For me, empathy is probably my biggest driver to seek positive change in the world

As a 90s kid guy, being a part of this transition. I was able to observe the transformation from a society that lacked self-love to a narcissistic society. So I feel we need to arrive at a balance. A complete compassionate empathy can be practically impossible in this current world. But we need to be ambitious about who’s shoes we need to step into. Cognitive empathy can help. What matters is the intent to be empathetic and it has to be mutual. We consciously need to view each other’s opinions, anger, pain, and mental models from other people’s shoes.

There is this popular conception that those who can understand everything can’t be peaceful. Actually its ‘not being understood’ which costs your peace more. Yet first, you need to come into peace with you and understand yourself which is essential for practicing empathy.

The ‘Feeling of Understood’ shackles all barriers, differences, identity walls, insecurities, cures pain, and leads to happier living. Happier countries lead to more empathy or that more empathy leads to more happiness. Empathy shouldn’t be seen as a skill anymore or rather a trait that has to be cultivated among individuals. It is important to do a lot of questioning. You may not be finding the answers to all, but what matters is trying to.

I simply conclude by this quote…

“The surest way to be happy is to seek happiness for others”
- Martin Luther King