The Forgotten Trait : PART I

“The most important thing in life is to be UNDERSTOOD” — Sushant Singh Rajput

No doubt that Sushant’s sudden demise has impacted a lot of us. Loads of talk about it as expected.

I came across his exact words (quote above) which actually stirred me to write about this. Something which was in my mind for long time. Also the sudden “trying to be empathic” social media reaction to this incident.

I can see loads of posts saying..

“You can talk to me if you need…”

“I am there to listen..”

“Please speak out…express yourself”

What must be a very common thing, has now spurred people to talk about, instead of practicing it in real?

So only when a death/suicide of a leading celebrity happens we start talking about this? We wait for something serious to happen in the spotlight and only then we realize the magnitude of it? What about the depressed people around us? Have we ever wondered about them?

Let’s look at some of the intricate hypocrisies behind this. We all keep saying these sentences…or have been told all these..

“Share your issues to people”

- But do we really listen? Do we really spend time to hear them out patiently?

“Don’t judge people”

- But whenever someone shares, we constantly judge and ignore them. If they sound cynical or victimized, we ignore them instead of understanding their situations & nature. Judgment is inevitable. We all keep judging in our own way. But let it be healthy and make someone better rather than ignoring them.

“Be Open”

• But do we really respect someone’s transparency? We use their vulnerabilities and exploit them.

“Don’t cry like a baby”

• Crying is considered a weakness even now. Especially when men do. It proves you are human. (Though so many ppl have the ability to fake it nowadays)

“Be Kind”

• - Kindness is not just speaking sweet words to people. It’s also when we are being frank and genuine with them.
• It’s when you say “ I am sorry to hurt you” or respect when someone says “Hey, I got hurt by your actions” instead of blameshifting.
• It’s when you are being transparent and open in a non-hurtful manner.

“Why are you like this? Stop complaining”

• Yes, whining and complaining may be toxic if it prolongs. But have we ever tried to understand why someone does it?

“Stop expecting from others. Expectations hurt”

• Ya, it does. But let’s clearly analyze it. We confuse needs with expectations. People normally expect when they don’t get something. When their needs are not satisfied. We all behave based on our needs. Let’s accept that ugly truth.

“Stop putting serious stuff in your Whatsapp/Insta stories. You want people to ask you ?”

• May sound immatured to most people. Aren’t we all, in some way? People search for mediums to vent out. When people failed them, social media comes to the rescue. Its a sign. Stop judging and try understanding. Each people deal with it differently.

“Seek Help”

• Rather why don’t we lend help first? Instead of waiting for someone to express, keep checking on them. When you see the signs just take that effort to talk them out. You might not be successful but what matters to them is when you put the effort to ask them first.
• More than listening and helping, what one requires are these words. “We are with you. We will get this through together”. TOGETHERNESS IS THE BEST MEDICINE.

“Don’t get emotional. Stay strong always and move on”

• We failed, when we were told being emotional will be exploited (Though its a fact). So you need to wear a mask always and stay positive. Not because you need to overcome it but of a huge pressure to be positive always. Life never works that way. Nature doesn’t.

We have been the biggest hypocrites. When someone sounds victimized we tag them. Runaway from them saying “I don’t want negativity”. Instead of making them positive by understanding them. We quote another big problem in ours or someone’s life and expect them to brush it away and act normal.

We fear REALITY, DISCOMFORT & TRUTH. Instead of fighting negativity. We run away from it saying “Stay Positive” always. The constant pressure to BE HAPPY & POSITIVE always has led to hiding our emotions instead of embracing them and allowing ourselves to feel the way it is. Instead, we try to be someone else and fake our emotions. Again, nature doesn’t work that way.

It’s OK to be DEPRESSED. It’s OK to feel SAD. It’s OK to BE VULNERABLE. It’s OK to EXPECT. It’s OK to ask for your NEEDS. It’s OK to be IMMATURE. It’s OK to just FEEL the way you are.

What’s not ok is to HOLD ON. MATURITY & HAPPINESS isn’t the only goal.

EMBRACE YOURSELF. Life is not only about HAPPINESS. It’s about REJOICING EVERYTHING. It’s a mix of all emotions.

We have this constant fear of expressing our emotions, our vulnerabilities due to fear of judgment and manipulation.

We all keep saying this “No one really understands us!”

The biggest problem now is EMOTIONS ARE BEING MANIPULATED THAN UNDERSTOOD.

So the question is “Do we even try to understand?”

Yes…WE NEED TO BE UNDERSTOOD !!

TO BE CONTINUED…